Thursday, November 30, 2006

I love life....

In a bizarre twist, the Furry woman I was speaking about earlier had a bit of a mishap at Ashford International this evening. I was about halfway up the escalators, talking to Patsy, when I heard a scream and gasps from behind me....spinning round I saw said Animal Slaughterer on her arse, head downwards, with all passengers between us staring at her, not seeing the 'hair caught in escalators, rolling head-over-heels, splitting skull' potential of the situation.
As I leapt goat-like down the 10 or so stairs between us, casting phone and two bags to the mercy of the Great God Otis (Lord for elevators, escalators and moving walkways), I must admit a thought occured to me; why is it only ME that moves in situations like this. 
Shouting 'give me your hand' in a manner more likely to be delivered by Sylvester Stallone in 'Big Hill Kill Death Camp Trip' or somesuch, she managed to thrust a mitt with the BIGGEST sapphire I've ever seen on it into my manly paw, and I hauled her to her feet.
By this time we were at the top of the Moving Staircase of Doom, and my primary concern was now the contents of my laptop bag, Blackberry and clothes bag which were spreading themselves across the sharpened teeth of the escalator stairs like hot butter on a Nuns butt.
I'm going to cut a long story short here, and leave you with the vision of of a portly IT consultant desperately trying to collect his detritus in an 80's saturday morning kids show style, when the last thing I see is the Louis SpitOn-shod foot of the Hamster-Murdering Sloane-Slag treading on a music CD that has yet to be rescued, and goose-stepping off to whatever cocktail bar has her name on the happy hour board.
Apart from that, its been quite a good week so far, I have high hopes for the M25 tomorrow evening.

1 comment:

Retrospectator said...

You have some interesting friends Mr B...